When you go to church and see all the adorable little kids dressed in their Easter best. When every other Facebook post is of proud parents posting pictures of their children with their Easter baskets.
It's days like these, especially, that you think what if and why is it so difficult?
It's not just days like these though, really, it's also days driving home from work when the mind wanders or when people ask you when or if you will have children.
I guess, sometimes, honestly, it's every day.
Sometimes I try to trick my mind into letting me think that I could be perfectly happy without. That maybe it isn't in His plans and that I can love up and spoil all my nieces [& nephews if they come along] but then there's days like these that I know I couldn't.
I am so blessed and you will never hear me say any differently, so sometimes this desire feels so selfish to me. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, a dog full of kisses, proud parents, an amazing sister, brother and extended family and friends. A goddaughter who I could not adore anymore than I already do. A good job. A nice place to live. A vehicle to drive. I have all these things and yet I'm wanting more.
I try everyday to be happy and to serve others; look for ways to help or put a smile on someone's face and, for the most part, I succeed, so sometimes I just wonder if I'm missing something. Am I doing something wrong? Or, is He just using me in a different way than I imagined for myself? I try focusing on the task at hand and live one day at a time but I can never help but wonder what does lie ahead for us.
And then, at the end of the day, reviewing all my thoughts, I am reminded that everything does happen for a reason and, I just know, that some day, I will hold a sweet, perfect little baby of my own. And, until that day comes, I'll have my sweet little goddaughter Ella Mae to love up and who could be sad about that?! :)
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